we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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