i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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