I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
he just fucked me for my cheese..
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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