your thong is hanging out like whoa
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
