I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
