I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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