last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize