Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
