when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
