Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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