Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
4 words: hood of his car
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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