They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
