Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
