Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
