I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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