we made out on top of his cat.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize