May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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