If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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