He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
