Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
