He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
