so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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