dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
