the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
