I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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