OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
