i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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