remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Randomize
