"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
