So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
