I've blown a few things in my day
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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