when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
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