laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
operation harelip BJ is a go
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
