So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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