last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize