I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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