Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Randomize
