are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I supernannyed him into submission
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
