i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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