Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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