Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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