I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Betty ford says i'm here all night
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
