I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Randomize
