I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
