Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
