he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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