Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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