I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
