Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
