why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
