made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize