Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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