I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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