Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize