I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
my mouth tastes like poor choices
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Randomize
