Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
