Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
