im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
