Only a mothe r could love this liver
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
