Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
