God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Randomize
