peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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