Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Randomize