I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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