dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Someone signed my nipple.
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