This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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