dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
