chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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