For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
