You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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