Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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