never play flip cup with pint glasses
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
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