I'm so fucking centered right now
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
