I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
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