Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
He passed out mid-signature
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We have so much sex to catch up on
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
