Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
Actions speak louder than pants.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize