walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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