I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize