pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Someone came in the potted fern
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
