I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
