My brain says no but my pants say off.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
