I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
