drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I smell stomach acid.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
we're making bets on your personal life
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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