He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
