i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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