he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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