And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
